Navigating Grief: Monni explores Finding Comfort and Healing in Life’s Most Challenging Times
Navigating Grief: Finding Comfort and Healing in Life’s Most Challenging Times
I feel compelled to write about grief, life, death, love, loss, and the ways we can navigate through something that, in time, unites us all.
In the last two years, I’ve lost my little sister, my brother, and two dear friends. At times, I’ve felt as though I can only hold so much, and the tears spill over. I’ve come to think of these tears as a beautiful expression of love.
My little sister was sick for 10 years, and I spent every second Christmas with her in ICU during that time. She was so special—a sensitive soul with special needs. Sunflowers, monarch butterflies, the colour yellow, and rainbows always remind me of her. She was the centre of our universe and brought our family closer together. There is such a huge gap left by her passing. She fought so hard to live, but in the end, she was simply too tired. All she had left was to surrender and let go. I found it incredibly hard to let go—she was our baby. I was 9 years older than her and spent my childhood mothering her and helping to care for her. So when she passed, I continued to care for her while she lay at rest in our family home. I did her makeup, brushed her hair, and every day, I would pick fresh flowers from the garden to lay around her until her cremation.
The first month felt like a blur of shock, and after that, the emotions began to emerge. They hit hard and heavy, and by the end of each day, I felt utterly exhausted. I was so grateful to have my family, especially my sisters, whose sense of humour helped me so much through it all.
Returning home to Northland, I was enveloped by a deep sense of loneliness. It felt as though I neither had the energy nor the desire to go out, and many of my friends, unsure of how to help, assumed I needed space and withdrew, leaving me to navigate this time alone. The memory of my sister’s passing jolted me awake each morning, and the sadness lingered as I drifted off to sleep at night. Yet, as time went by, I found comfort in long walks—lots of them, nature, cups of tea, self-care rituals, rest, my art, the warmth of my partner’s family, especially the calming presence and wise words of his mother. I found solace in the pages of Dying to Be Me, where the author shares her near-death experience and the peace and unconditional love she felt in that space. Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now became a constant companion, its teachings grounding me day by day. I made a promise to myself: to dedicate the next year to grief, giving myself the grace to heal, one moment at a time, one day at a time.
Understanding Grief: More Than Just Sadness
Grief isn’t just sadness—it’s a complex web of emotions, including anger, confusion, relief, guilt, and even moments of peace. It’s different for everyone. One person may feel numb, another may be overtaken by sorrow, while another might experience anger or frustration. Grief can ebb and flow, often surprising us with moments of joy or clarity amid the pain.
The process of grieving isn’t linear. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. What’s important is acknowledging and allowing yourself to feel without judgment or expectation. It’s okay to not have all the answers, and it’s okay to take the time you need.
The Role of Healing Rituals
When we think of grief, we often imagine an emotional void. But grief, like many difficult emotions, can also serve as an invitation for self-reflection, healing, and growth. One of the ways we can honour and process grief is by creating personal rituals that support our emotional well-being.
My own self-care rituals have helped me through the most challenging times. Tea and Tonic is a reflection of this; it was created to educate and inspire holistic health and beauty through self-care practices using products and rituals that are good for people and the planet. We understand that rituals can help restore balance during challenging times, including times of loss. Whether it’s the comforting embrace of a warm cup of herbal tea or the grounding effects of natural products for the body and home, these small acts of care can help create moments of peace amidst the storm.
Here are a few ways that simple, daily rituals can support you through your grief:
1. Tea as a Calming Ritual
Herbal teas, like chamomile, lavender, or lemon balm, are known for their soothing properties. A quiet moment spent sipping a cup of your favourite tea can provide comfort, promote relaxation, and help you regain a sense of stability.
2. Mindful Breathing and Aromatherapy
Breathing exercises, combined with calming scents from essential oils like frankincense or sandalwood, can ground you in the present moment. Aromatherapy has been shown to reduce anxiety and help soothe the body and mind during periods of emotional stress.
3. Journaling and Reflection
Writing about your thoughts and feelings can help you process grief in a tangible way. Whether it’s expressing your emotions or writing letters to your loved ones, journaling can be a therapeutic way to work through grief and find healing.
4. Connection with Nature
Grief often isolates us, but spending time in nature can help us reconnect with ourselves and the world around us. A walk through a peaceful garden, listening to the sound of birds, or even just standing still and breathing in fresh air can provide solace.
5. Self-Massage
Gentle self-massage can help release tension and soothe your body through healing touch with intention.
6. Creating
Whether through art, music, or other forms of expression—creating can be incredibly healing for the soul.
Grief and Wellness: A Holistic Approach
While grief is a heavy emotional burden, it’s important to recognise that your physical, mental, and emotional health are all interconnected. Taking care of yourself during times of grief doesn’t mean you’re “moving on” or forgetting about the loss; it’s about allowing yourself to heal at your own pace.
At Tea and Tonic, we encourage a holistic approach to well-being—one that nurtures both the body and mind. This includes:
• Self-compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend.
• Rest: Allow your body and mind the space to rest and recharge.
• Community: Whether it’s friends, family, or support groups, don’t be afraid to lean on those who care about you.
• Mindful Movement: Gentle movement, like yoga or tai chi, can help release tension in the body and clear the mind.
Healing Takes Time
Grief is a reminder of how much we love and care about others, and how deeply we are affected by loss. It’s important to remember that healing is not about “getting over” grief—it’s about learning to live with it and honouring its place in our lives.
At Tea and Tonic, we are here to support you through this process, offering tools and products that can help you find peace, comfort, and healing. Whether it’s through a warm cup of tea, a fragrant essential oil blend, or a moment of quiet reflection, take time for yourself and trust that healing, however slow, will come.
If you are navigating grief right now, know that you are not alone. We are here for you, and together, we can find small moments of peace, comfort, and renewal.
Resources
If you feel overwhelmed by grief, it’s okay to reach out to a professional for support. Many organisations offer grief counselling and support groups that can provide assistance during this challenging time. It’s also okay if you don’t choose to go to therapy—personally, I found talking with family and friends, and reading books, very helpful.
This is dedicated to my little sister, Courtney; my brother, Daniel; my friends, Margaret and Nick; and to all of you who have or are going through the loss of someone you love.